About Love

f the love does not come from inside, if love is not felt as passion, as God’s Divine spark that enables us to exist, we project that love onto an object or a person. When we do not have a connection to the inside, we seek the love outside. When we do this through projection or transference, we cross the line into narcissism.

The love that comes from the inside is free, powerful and does not require anything from anybody. We love because we feel the love. This is the prize. If the love is projected onto an object that is to be desired, then it becomes narcissistic. We want the thing for ourselves and in terms of our own agenda. Maybe we want to feel good, to avoid our shame, our pain, our insecurity. Maybe we want to make others responsible for all the things we are not facing because we cannot get the love.

In the end, we are bereft.

When someone loves us but only to meet his/her own needs, then there is an agenda attached to that love. It is not unconditional. This is projected love. An example is parents with an only child. They may want their child to do and be everything they could not do or be themselves. This is narcissistic love. They love the child, but only in terms of their own needs.

There is a love that transcends need, narcissism, abuse. The love that comes from the inside allows us to love without that narcissistic need. This does not exclude relationship, need for others, marriage, and so on. It does mean, however, that there is a love that does not use us. There is a purer form of love that is embodied by the Archetypes, by the inner world or spirit. We recognize and know somewhere inside that this love does exist. We just cannot find it because we keep looking for it outside. True spiritual, enlightened souls have the love from the inside. These are the ones we look to as teachers.

We are afraid of falling in love because love actually has a dark side. Once we are in love, we are chained to each other’s pathology. It is like we have to take care of each other in a way that is dishonest. Falling in love can be tremendously bad unless both people have tremendous integrity and bring to the relationship their own sense of being loved by the Divine. From this place of being loved, we have something to offer to the other person. To the degree that we do not have the place of being loved, we have nothing to offer but a black hole of need and conflict.

The man may become possessive and not let his partner work or see her friends. In this scenario, he projects all of his insecurity as a male onto her and does not want her to do anything that would scare him. Women, too, project their anxiety and fears onto their partners. The result is that we enslave each other through what we call love. He says, “I love you,” and beats her for going out with her friends. She says, “I love you,” and beats him down because he watches too much football or he gets food in his teeth or he makes her look bad.

Even so, most of us talk a great deal about commitment to our partners. This is the Big Lie. Why should we commit to something that does not even exist? Why should we commit to being controlled by another person because the other person has no self-worth? Both men and women are like this – we want our partners to give us self-worth, but it can never happen.

from Arhetypal Dreamwork Bloggger

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